Did you have fears about becoming a foster parent?
Yes, being single, I was worried that a couple might be able to provide a better home for the children and worried that I may take that better chance away from them. I worried about how I would be able to provide all the extra care they needed including therapies and doctor appointments when I also needed to work.
When I first met my child....
I was so happy and excited. It was a 2 year old boy and his 9 month old sister. I had a five year old and we were so excited to have our family grow. Going to the playground and buying them toys was so exciting for both of us. Then, we started having problems with the two year old. He had autism and was very aggressive. At the time I did not know what autism was and felt like I was not meant to be a foster parent because I could not understand this child or help him.
Unfortunately we did not feel like a family with the first children and I did not keep them and decided not to be a foster parent anymore. The family that took the children kept in touch with me and I did still see them. The mother was very kind and told me she had been a foster parent for 20 years and had never had such a challenging child. She convinced me to try again. My next placement was three boys ages 2, 4, and 6. We were a family almost immediately. They were so dirty and hungry that you couldn't help but love them dearly and make everything alright for them. They were so excited about everything and when they crawl onto your lap and hug your neck when you read them a bedtime story the first night and then they hug you good night and say I love you mommy even though you just met. How could you not be a family.
Share a moment or day in the life of a foster or adoptive parent:
In the beginning, you have more hard times than not. From my experience, you have a honey moon period were everyone is on their best behavior. After a little while, the trauma sets in and the children become aggressive. It takes a lot of patience, love, and understanding. You have to change your life for a little while the same as if you brought a newborn home from the hospital. Many of my children have anxieties that lead them to fight for their lives when they are faced with the unknown. Going to the playground is an unknown, will you leave me there, will I get to eat so many fears they face. But, gradually, they good times out weigh the hard times. You realize hey, we just went to the playground and no one hurt anyone, cussed out anyone, or had a meltdown when it was time to leave. We had a great time, we bonded more, we grew as a family.
It is really hard to describe the trials and joys of being a foster parent. I have fostered 27 children in 13 years with a five year break to work on my masters degree and then my oldest son's fight with cancer. I love my children so much and thank God everyday for them. It's difficult to be a parent but the rewards are well worth the struggles and you will have a lot with foster children. I am fortunate enough to be a special education teacher and I have had several classes on working with traumatized children. That has been so beneficial. I have adopted 4 and waiting for two more for the court houses to reopen. I ask for the children that have bounced around from home to home because of behavior.