Supporting Your Child or Teen Who is Experiencing Depression and/or Anxiety
Article written by Autumn Wagoner, THINK Educator
During stressful times, it is common for young people to experience depression anxiety - especially if they have struggled with mental health concerns before. As parents and caregivers, we may feel unsure of what we can do to support and help our children. This article will discuss the signs and symptoms of depression and anxiety in children/teens, and ways you can support them.
What is anxiety and depression?
Depression and anxiety may not always be easy to identify, especially as some of these behaviors may come off as a child being “overdramatic” or behaviors we sometimes attribute to "teenage hormones.” It is important as a parent to be aware of the potential signs and symptoms of depression and anxiety, as this is an important first step of supporting your child or teen.
Symptoms of Depression:
Depression often exhibits both emotional and behavioral changes. Below is a list for each type of change.
Emotional Changes:
Feelings of sadness, which can include crying spells
Frustration or feelings of anger, even over small matters
Feeling hopeless or empty
Irritability or annoyed mood
Loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities
Loss of interest in or conflict with family and friends
Low self-esteem
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
Fixation on past failures or exaggerated self-blame or self-criticism
Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure, and/or the need for excessive reassurance
Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions or remembering things
Ongoing sense that life and the future are grim and bleak
Frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide
Behavioral Changes:
Tiredness and loss of energy
Changes in sleep pattern, including insomnia or excessive sleeping
Changes in appetite — decreased appetite and possible weight loss, or increased cravings for food and possible weight gain
Use of alcohol or drugs
Agitation or restlessness — for example, pacing, handwringing or an inability to sit still
Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
Frequent complaints of unexplained body aches and headaches, which may include frequent visits to the school nurse
Social isolation
Poor school performance or frequent absences from school
Less attention to personal hygiene or appearance
Angry outbursts, disruptive or risky behavior, or other acting-out behaviors
Self-harm — for example, cutting, burning, or excessive piercing or tattooing
Making a suicide plan or a suicide attempt
Symptoms of Anxiety
There are different types of anxiety (generalized, separation, social, panic disorder, and phobias). The
symptoms listed below are more common symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder. Symptoms of anxiety can be displayed as changes in a child or teens physical health, their behaviors, as well as cognition.
Behavioral/Cognitive Symptoms:
Feeling nervous, restless or tense
Expecting the worst, even when there is no apparent reason for concern
Difficulty controlling worry
Attempting to avoid situations or events that may trigger anxiety
Problems concentrating, or feeling the mind “going blank”
Irritability
Problems falling or staying asleep, or sleep that is restless and unsatisfying
Restlessness when awake
Changes in appetite, such as not eating enough or overeating
Outbursts of anger
A pattern of being disobedient, hostile and defiant behaviors
Physical Symptoms:
Muscle tension
Upset stomach
Sweating
Difficulty breathing
Headaches
Fatigue
How Can You Support Your Child or Teen?
Educate Yourself on Depression, Anxiety & Other Mental Health Disorders
Learning everything you can about depression and anxiety is the first step in understanding what your child or teen may be experiencing. There are a lot of free resources online that you can use to help educate yourself on depression and anxiety. Some of these resources include:
NAMI Basics
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Basics offers a FREE, 6-session education
program for anyone who may know or be caring for a youth experiencing mental
illness.
Website: https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/NAMI-Programs/NAMI-Basics
National Institute on Mental Health (NIHM)
Provides free information and resources on mental illness in adults and children/adolescents
Website: https://www.nimh.nih.gov
Mental Health First Aid-Youth Course
An 8 hour, in-person course that teaches you how to help someone who is developing
a mental health problem or experiencing a mental health crisis. The training
helps you identify, understand, and respond to signs of addictions and mental
illnesses.
Cost: Approximately $75 (Sometimes you can find this course free through Eventbrite)
Website: https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org
MentalHealth.gov
Offers a wide variety of information and free resources on youth mental health
Website: https://www.mentalhealth.gov
Center for Disease Control
Offers information and data/statistics on youth mental health.
Website: https://www.cdc.gov/mentalhealth
SAMHSA
(Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)
Offers free information and publications on mental health and substance abuse. Also
provides free resources for teens/adolescents.
Website: https://www.samhsa.gov
Talk Openly & Honestly and Listen to Your Child or Teen
When it comes to mental health, it’s important to acknowledge it - don’t ignore it or pretend it doesn’t exist. Your child/teen may not come to you directly with their mental health concerns. If you are concerned about their mental health, it’s OK to ask them what’s wrong and offer help. Do not wait for them to talk to you first.
It is very important to show acceptance when it comes to mental health. When your child/teen is talking to you about their anxiety, it may come off as being ridiculous or silly, but it’s important to remember that this is a real problem they are experiencing. When you are listening to them, you are validating how they are feeling and may encourage them to be more open and honest with you. Your child or teen may struggle to communicate how they are feeling or may be unsure what to say. It is OK to allow these silent moments to let them think. Interrupting them may prevent them from having enough time to formulate their thoughts and effectively communicate.
Be Supportive and Encouraging, but Don’t Enable
If your child/teen opens up about their mental illness struggles, be patient and most importantly, listen. Talking to you about how they are feeling may be awkward, embarrassing, or they may feel discouraged. To help them feel a little more comfortable, let them know that you love/care for them and want to help as much as you can. praise them for their efforts in opening up to you about how they are feeling, and continue to encourage them in their recovery. When they are talking, try not to jump to conclusions or blame certain people, events or situations for what your child or teen is experiencing. Lastly, don’t enable them by offering to do their homework, chores, or by making excuses for their behaviors.
Don’t Use Dismissive or Judgmental Language
It’s important to be conscious about the way you talk when speaking with a child/teen who is struggling with mental health. Coming off as dismissive or judgmental can invalidate your child/teen’s feelings and may stop them from talking further. Try to avoid using the statements below or ones similar:
Examples:
“Everything’s going to be OK.” – Although this statement sounds supportive, in the moment it is not helpful for your child or teen. You as an adult may feel and know
everything will be OK, but to your child or youth, what they are feeling and
experiencing in that moment may be overwhelming to a point where they feel
things will never get better or everything is NOT going to be OK.“You’ll get over it.” – Good news is children/teens often do recover from
depression and anxiety with good support, positive coping mechanisms, and
treatment. But telling them “You’ll get over it” when they are opening up to
you is not validating their feelings and may make them feel as if they’re not
being heard.“It could be worse.” – True….things could be worse, but again, what they are
experiencing may feel as if things could not be worse; that they are at their
rock bottom.“Other people have it worse.” – Again, yes…other people may have it worse, but by
telling your child/teen this may make them feel bad for feeling the way they
do, thus minimizing their problems and less likely to engage in any kind of
help or treatment.“It’s all in your head.” – Depression and anxiety are NEVER “just in your
head”. Depression and anxiety are real disorders that require help and support
from others.“Stop feeling sorry for yourself.” – By saying something like this may make a
child/teen feel bad for feeling the way they do and may minimize their problems
and be more reluctant to reach out for help.“How do you think I feel?” – You may feel overwhelmed and frustrated when
your child/teen is feeling depressed or anxious, but you have to remember that
this is about them when they are opening up to you, not you. That’s why it is
important to seek help for yourself if you find yourself feeling these things
when your child/teen is experiencing anxiety and/or depression.
“You’re being selfish.” – Anyone who is opening up about their struggles with
anxiety and depression should NEVER be perceived as being selfish.
You may not agree with or understand what they are feeling, but it’s important
to be supportive of them during this time and seek help for them.
Instead, ask questions like, “How can I best support you right now?” Reassure them that they are not alone when it comes to mental illness and that many people, including others their age, deal with mental health issues. reassure them that you’ll be by their side through it all.
Learn New Calming Techniques You Can Do Together
Relaxation exercises and mindfulness skills can be beneficial for both parent and child, as trying to help someone struggling with mental health can be stressful and upsetting. There are many free resources online that teach calming techniques and relaxation exercises. There are also free apps available including Headspace, Breathe2Relax, and Stop, Breath & Think, that provide relaxation exercises. One quick and effective relaxation exercise is deep breathing.
Diaphragmatic Breathing Exercise (Belly Breathing)
Sit in a comfortable position or lie flat on the floor, your bed, or another comfortable, flat surface.
Relax your shoulders.
Put a hand on your chest and a hand on your stomach.
Breathe in through your nose for about two seconds. You should experience the air moving through your nostrils into your abdomen, making your stomach expand. During this type of breathing, make sure your stomach is moving outward while your chest remains relatively
still.Purse your lips (as if you’re about to drink through a straw), press gently on your stomach, and exhale slowly for about two seconds.
Repeat these steps several times for best results.
Get Your Child or Teen in Mental Health Treatment
Talk therapy/counseling with a licensed counselor or clinical social worker can provide a lot of great benefits in treating mental health. Say something like, “It worries me to hear you talking like this; let’s talk to someone about it.” You can contact their primary care physician (PCP) to ask for recommendations or research online for counseling agencies within your community. Depending on the severity of their symptoms, a PCP may be able to start them on medication or refer them to a psychiatrist for symptom management.
Get Yourself in Mental Health Treatment
As mentioned before, trying to help your child/teen who is experiencing depression and/or
anxiety can be overwhelming and stressful for you. Getting your own professional help can be extremely beneficial. A licensed therapist can help guide you on how to help your child while also providing support for youth. Consider online support groups where you can talk with other parents and caregivers who are experiencing similar situations. be open and honest with friends and family that you trust and surround yourself with supportive and positive people. This should not be something that you have to go through and endure by yourself.
Be Patient with the Process and Kind to Yourself
Being a parent is a tough job - Especially if your child is dealing with depression and/or anxiety. It is important to be kind to yourself (and your child) while working through this. Don’t blame yourself or tell yourself that you’re a bad parent. Depression and anxiety do not discriminate
and can happen to anyone. It is also important to remember that recovery from mental health does not happen overnight. It takes time and hard work to get your child feeling better. Do not rush this process or make unrealistic expectations/goals. Recovery is different for every single person.
Again, being a parent is never easy, especially when our child is going through difficult times. With the right support, guidance, and treatment, your child will be able to learn to cope and recover in time. Just remember to be aware of the symptoms, talk openly and honestly, and get your child and yourself the appropriate support and treatment.
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