Easier Said Than Done
Article written by Danielle Kolovich, THINK Educator
Do you ever feel like you fail at fitting in? Have you ever received a grade that was lower than you expected? Has someone ever unexpectedly ended a relationship with you? Did you ever lose a game, that you should have won? How did you cope with your failure? This is a mundane question that we must deal with on most days on some level. If you can figure out how to deal with your failures and even learn from them, the answer can help you for the rest of your life. Everyone has heard the same old sayings, “learn from your mistakes” and “don’t let your failures define who you are.” Here is another one: “easier said than done.” Most people do not know how to move past their problems to learn from them. You can get ahead of the game by learning these 5 helpful techniques for coping with experiencing failure.
Accept Your Emotions
Everyone has feelings that can be uncomfortable. The difference is how they cope with those feelings. Some try to reject those feelings or push them away with drugs and alcohol. No one wants to feel those emotions all the time. The rejection or burying of emotions can cause more harm. Everyone has emotions; they give us helpful information about the world around us. The first step in accepting emotions is to understand they will not last forever. Healthy techniques in accepting emotions could include a daily journal, mediation, and exercise.
Daily Journal- writing down your emotions even if you throw it away or delete it can be therapeutic.
Meditation- everyone meditates in their own way; most people do it without realizing it. It can be accomplished by driving alone with the music off, sitting in your bedroom, soaking in a bath, or a quiet place outdoors. Meditation is simply taking a few minutes, or however long you need, to reflect and process your emotions. This time allows you to see how you actually feel and where those feelings come from.
Exercise- some find exercise therapeutic. The repetition allows them to process their thoughts much like mediation. Exercise is helpful for people who have trouble sitting still; the repetition allows continuous movement while letting them process thoughts and emotions. Furthermore, exercise causes physical changes not only in your general wellbeing, but also releases endorphins that will improve your mood.
You Don’t Suck
Some skills and lessons can be learned from failing. Failure can be seen as someone testing their limits. If you never fail, are you really pushing yourself? Each stumble you have is a sign that you are growing and learning as a person. Acknowledge your strengths, what helped you through rough times in the past, and what got you to where you are today. Once you learn what your strengths are, you can use them to your advantage. Everyone has skills they are good at and what they can specialize in. A glove cannot hit a ball but a bat cannot catch one.
Have you ever just clicked with someone or became fast friends even though you are very different? Let’s go back to our bat and glove example. It would be hard to play baseball without both of them. They each serve an important role in working together, but neither is capable of doing the other's job. Find friends who compliment you rather than compete against you.
Prove Them Wrong
When people are doubting your abilities or laughing at your skills, use that as fuel to push yourself and hone your talents. Surround yourself with people who positively motivate you. They will help drown out the naysayers. Set realistic goals that you can achieve. Also, keep track of the goals you have achieved and review them when feeling down. Print yourself off a certificate or poster to remind yourself of all that you have accomplished.
Do What is Best for You
In many ways, this is the hardest step. It may mean choosing to sit out on certain social activities with your friends or even leaving your circle of friends and finding new friends. Your friends should compliment you as a person, accept you for who you are, and work with you to better yourself. True friends will support you even if you cannot spend as much time with them while you are chasing your dreams. Likewise, you should be a good friend to them and support their dreams.
Face Your Fears
Everyone has something they are afraid of. Common fears include spiders, snakes, heights, bugs, etc., but the biggest and most common fear is failure. Failure can be looking bad in front of your friends, teachers, relatives, or strangers. Remember failure is not permanent. Many successful people failed, learned from their mistakes, and tried to again. One example includes Michael Jordan being cut from his high school basketball team. Another example is Bill Gate’s business partner selling his part of the company while they were still working out of Bill Gate’s garage. They both learned from their mistakes, honed their skills, and went onto greatness. Be daring. You cannot grow as a person hiding in your comfort zone. Do public speaking, try out for that team, talk to the new kid. You may surprise yourself and those around you.
Your teenage years can be some of the most complicated but also the most exhilarating years of your life. This is the time for you to learn who you are as an individual and what parts you play in a group. The more comfortable you are with yourself the more confidence you will display. Confidence can lead to greater social acceptance, more opportunities, and the attraction of more friends and significant others. It all starts with accepting your emotions and learning who you are. I will leave you with this quote by Mark Twain, “Courage is not the absence of fear but acting in spite of it.”