Ways to Help Your Child Prevent and Deal With Bullying

In today’s society, bullying has become a growing epidemic affecting our children at home, in school, and even through technology. If you’re an adult looking for ways to help your child deal with bullying, check out this list of tips that can make all the difference in the world. When it comes to bullying prevention, you know what they say—prevention is better than cure!

Talk about bullying before it happens

The best way to prevent bullying is by talking about it regularly with your child. This will give them an idea of what bullying is, and how to deal with it if they’re being bullied, or if they witness someone else getting bullied. Make sure you talk about all types of bullying—physical, emotional, verbal—and explain that not everyone has a thick skin when it comes to teasing. Encourage your kids to reach out to you or another trusted adult (like a teacher), if they’re ever in a situation where someone is making fun of them, or even worse—hurting them physically. Do not teach them to be bullies themselves; instead, teach them to be assertive and stand up for themselves. Never hit back: It might seem obvious, but it bears repeating: The best way to deal with a bully is never to hit back. Make sure that these lessons are reinforced often so that your children know what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Don’t assume your child understands bullying prevention just because you talked about it once—they may have tuned you out after hearing bullying prevention talk #48.

Build resilience

One key way you can help your child become more resilient is by being a role model. Think about what it is that you do to deal with stress in your life, whether it’s going for a run or practicing yoga, or just taking some time out of every day to sit down and relax. Be sure that they see you doing these things—and not just because they’re an adult. Let them join you on those walks in nature or while meditating. This will also teach them how to be kind to themselves, which is critical when dealing with bullying. And remember: even if you don’t feel like it sometimes, try to practice self-care as well! You need your own resilience too!

Make your child's school an anti-bullying community

Share information about bullying at school with your child, so he or she can recognize when bullying is taking place. Teach your children that it is important they feel safe in all situations. If they don't feel safe, to speak with a you or another trusted adult about what is going on. If your child has been victimized by an act of bullying, encourage him or her to tell you immediately. Don’t wait until a serious incident happens before approaching teachers or administrators about bullying problems in your child's school community; it’s better to be proactive than reactive. Be sure to ask for their help in dealing with these issues—they are there to support students. It’s also a good idea for parents and kids to have an open dialogue about cyber-bullying, which many schools do not yet consider part of their anti-bullying policy.

Emphasize that your family is against bullying

At home, make sure your child knows that you're opposed to bullying. If you have children, talk with them about bullying. Let them know that you’ll always be on their side if someone picks on them or makes fun of them for no reason. Remind your children not to bully other kids either. Stand up for people who are being bullied too! Sometimes all it takes is a parent standing up for a kid who's being bullied to make all the difference. You don't want your child feeling like they're alone in dealing with a bully situation, so let them know that you'll support whatever decision they make when it comes to handling bullies. The most important thing you can do at home is show your child that you stand behind them and love them unconditionally. After all, there's nothing more powerful than knowing they can rely on their parents' unconditional love and support!

Use language around differences

Language around differences can help reduce bullying, foster respect for others, and encourage empathy. Children (and adults) often bully because they are not able to empathize with those who are different from them. As a parent, you play an important role in helping your child develop empathy by encouraging them to use inclusive language when they encounter people with differences in abilities, family structure, sexual orientation or gender identity. For example: Instead of asking why someone uses a wheelchair or walks with crutches, ask them how it happened. Instead of asking someone what their sexual orientation is , ask if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse.

Teach empathy

There is a difference between sympathy and Empathy. Sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow, or pity for the hardships that another person encounters. empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another. Empathy is understanding what someone else feels, even if it’s not exactly how you would feel in their situation.

Empathy Example: A girl failed her second semester of college and their friend is empathetic because she failed her first semester the previous year.

Sympathy Example: A man loses his father in a terrible car accident and his best friend tells him that everything will be okay and that he is there for him.

Empathy can be learned at any age—and it’s one of those skills that will serve your child well throughout life. Here are a few ways to teach empathy.

1. Show empathy to kids when they’re upset. Being sensitive to how kids are feeling can help them understand what it’s like for other people when someone shows empathy.

2. Discuss alternative strategies. Do this when your child is calm, not in the heat of the moment. You might say, “You did a good job waiting until after dinner for ice cream. But what else could we have said or done to make our conversation about it more pleasant?”

3. Raise awareness of nonverbal cues.

   Kids with social skills issues often struggle to pick up on social cues. For example, downcast eyes and slumped posture might not register as “sad” to them. They may need help recognizing the messages from different types of body language, facial expressions, and tones of voice, and knowing what they each mean.

   Try looking at pictures or watching TV shows on mute. You can help your child identify and label the emotions of the people on the TV. This is good practice for recognizing and identifying signs of different emotions in real life.

4. Raise awareness of nonverbal cues.

Kids with social skills issues often struggle to pick up on social cues. For example, downcast eyes and slumped posture might not register as “sad” to them. They may need help recognizing the messages from different types of body language, facial expressions, and tones of voice, and knowing what they each mean.

Try looking at pictures or watching TV shows on mute. You can help your child identify and label the emotions of the people on the TV. This is good practice for recognizing and identifying signs of different emotions in real life.

Practice makes perfect with social skills

Bullies target kids who don’t know how to respond in difficult situations. Many people believe bullying is something kids just have to deal with, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. As parents, it’s our job to help them develop social skills—and we can do that by teaching our kids what a healthy friendship looks like. Help your child establish positive relationships with others by teaching them some of these basic social skills.

1. Working with Others & Sharing

   Your child will have to learn to cooperate with others in order to gain and maintain friendships. Cooperating means working together to achieve a common goal. Typically, this involves sharing and taking turns. Teaching your child to share and work nicely with others helps develop patience and leadership.

2. Listening & Making Eye Contact

   Active listening is a key part of communication that involves more than just hearing what someone is telling you. When you actively listen to someone, you carefully concentrate on what they’re saying to make sure you understand and respond appropriately.

   Teaching your child to listen actively helps them become an engaged learner and better at following directions. But being an active listener also shows others that you care about them and what they have to say. Be sure to explain the importance of making eye contact with someone while they’re speaking, as this shows that they’re fully invested in the conversation.

3. Being Patient

   Your patience is tested in some capacity every day, whether it’s something small like waiting your turn to speak during a meeting or large like reaching a savings goal to buy the car you want. Having patience is critical in life, and it certainly isn’t easy.

   Like adults, a child’s patience is also tested on a daily basis. They’re asked to wait until they finish dinner to eat dessert. Wait until baby sister wakes up to go to the park. Wait until their friend finishes playing with the toy so they can have a turn. Wait six more months until their next birthday. They can’t lose their composure every time they don’t get what they want right away, as it could negatively impact their mental health and friendships.

   It’s important to introduce and then reinforce this skill at a young age. The key to helping your child develop patience is to promote delayed gratification. Teach them that good things typically take time and are worth waiting for. You may encounter tempers and tears at first, but in time, they’ll learn to tolerate the wait.

4. Respecting Space and Boundaries

   Everybody’s personal space boundaries are different. Some people don’t mind getting big hugs, answering personal questions, or having long conversations. Others are the exact opposite (or fall somewhere in the middle). That’s why it’s crucial to explicitly teach kids to respect personal space and boundaries while also firmly establishing their own.

   If your child is uncomfortable with hugs (or other forms of physical touch/affection), let them know it’s okay to decline. Same goes if they’re introverted or don’t want to talk about things that feel too personal. They should be honest and simply say, “I’m sorry, I don’t feel comfortable talking about that.” This will help them feel comfortable establishing boundaries as they get older.

Train teachers to prevent bullying in schools

One of the most important ways we can help our kids prevent bullying is to ensure that teachers in schools are trained in how best to prevent it. In addition, schools should offer a wide variety of programs designed for both students who are involved with bullying, as well as victims. The more we take responsibility for addressing problems before they happen, rather than dealing with them when they occur, ultimately leads to a safer school environment for all children.

While you may not be able to change your child’s entire school system, you certainly have power within your own family unit. Talk openly about bullying with other parents and encourage them to do their part in preventing it too.

Schools don’t always need formal programs to help students learn about bullying prevention. Schools can incorporate the topic of bullying prevention in lessons and activities. Examples of activities to teach about bullying include:

• Internet or library research, such as looking up types of bullying, how to prevent it, and how kids should respond

• Presentations, such as a speech or role-play on stopping bullying

• Discussions about topics like reporting bullying

• Creative writing, such as a poem speaking out against bullying or a story or skit teaching bystanders how to help

• Artistic works, such as a collage about respect or the effects of bullying

Schools may choose to implement formal evidence-based programs or curricula. Many evaluated programs that address bullying are designed for use in elementary and middle schools. Fewer programs exist for high schools and non-school settings. There are many considerations in selecting a program, including the school’s demographics, capacity, and resources.

The National Center of Safe Supportive Learning Environments (NCSSLE) offers bullying prevention training toolkits filled with research-based, user friendly materials trainers can use for events and workshops. Each Training Toolkit includes a step-by-step facilitator's guide, a customizable power point presentation, handouts, and feedback form.

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If you or someone you know is being bullied, there are things you can do to keep yourself and others safe from bullying.

• What Kids Can Do

• What Teens Can Do

• What Adults Can Do

If you or someone you know is involved in cyberbullying, it is important to document and report the behavior.

If you have done everything you can to resolve the situation and nothing has worked, or someone is in immediate danger, there are ways to get help.

• There has been a crime or someone is at immediate risk of harm: Call 911.

• Someone is feeling hopeless, helpless, thinking of suicide. To talk to someone now: Call 1-800-273-8255 (TALK)

• Someone is acting differently than normal, such as always seeming sad or anxious, struggling to complete tasks, or not being able care for themselves. Find a local counselor or other mental health services.

• A child is being bullied in school. Contact the:

  • Teacher

  • School counselor

  • School principal

  • School superintendent

  • State Department of Education

• The school is not adequately addressing harassment based on race, color, national origin, sex (including sexual orientation and gender identity), disability, or religion. Contact:

  • School superintendent

  • State Department of Education

  • U.S. Department of Education, Office for Civil Rights