National Adoption Month: The Thornberry Family
November is National Adoption Month, a month set aside for a national effort to raise awareness of more than 100,000 children in foster care in the U.S. who are waiting for a safe and loving family to adopt them. We sat down with the Thornberry family of Huntington, WV to talk about their journey with foster care adoption and how it’s possible for foster and birth families to continue working together for the best interest of the child.
Article and Interview by Kylee Hassan, Communications Outreach Director, Mission West Virginia
Answers by Dana Thornberry, Foster/Adopt Mother
Tell us about your family and how you got involved with foster care.
My husband Tennyson and I already have a large family. We have 5 biological children ranging in age from 13 to 21 years old. I work at Lily’s Place as a Nurse and I saw the need for foster parents who were educated on how to take care of NAS babies. Babies born exposed can be more challenging to care for so, due to my background with Lily’s Place and knowledge of therapeutic handling techniques, I decided I wanted to talk to my husband about becoming foster parents. We went to our first foster parent meeting to check it out together and everyone was very welcoming and we learned so much. All 5 of our biological children were on board with us becoming foster parents, so we decided to start classes to become certified foster parents. Due to both of our crazy work schedules, our agency allowed us to take classes at our own pace which helped tremendously! Once we finished training, we became certified foster parents and awaited our first placement call.
We had just taken off for our annual family vacation to the beach when the phone rang for a little boy who was at Cabell Huntington Hospital. As soon as we got back from our vacation, we arrived at the hospital to meet the little boy who still did not have a name. The nameless little boy became Michael to honor the biological mother’s wish to name the baby boy after his father. Michael was adopted in 2019 and is now a happy 3-year-old Thornberry!
About 4 months after taking in Michael, we received another call for a 3-month-old baby named Kitana. A year and a half after we took Kitana in, we received a call from our caseworker that Kitana’s half-sister was in foster care and in need of a home. Kiki has Cerebral Palsy and Microcephaly and we are so proud to watch her overcome challenges as she grows up. We adopted both girls in 2020.
We keep in contact with biological members of our children’s family. We send pictures back and forth, as well as any big updates. The biological family is very thankful that we have stepped up to care for the children and continue to keep them updated as well. We allow our girls to FaceTime their biological mother and always extend the invitation to meet up in person as well.
Why do you think it’s important to involve birth families even after adoption?
I think it’s important because that’s where the children came from. As an adoptive parent, I am their mommy but the birth family will always be their blood. After seeing their birth families, sometimes they will come back and ask hard questions like, ‘Was I in your tummy?’ ‘Why don’t I live with my other mommy if I was in her tummy?’ We want to make sure we are having those conversations with our children and I know for a fact, because of our close relationship, that their biological mother would back me up and we could have that conversation TOGETHER with the child. Our goal by working together is to make sure the children aren’t confused, not feel anything other than loved, and never have to wonder where they came from.
What has been the best part of fostering to adopt?
I think the best thing about adoption is being able to be there for all of their moments…especially the moments when they learn to do new things. One of my girls recently joined tumbling and when she was finally able to learn a round-off, she thought she was hot stuff! She wanted us to watch her do it over and over again….her excitement was amazing to watch. Just being able to watch them all grow has been the biggest joy to my husband and me.
I try not to ever let it get far from my mind, that God trusted me with these children. I may not have birthed them but they’re mine forever and I treat them absolutely no different than my own biological children.
What has been the hardest part of adoption?
The hardest part by far was sitting in the courtroom and listening to the birth mother relinquishing her rights because she knew that was what was best for the children. That was absolutely gut-wrenching. I just wanted to run over across the courtroom to hug her and tell her that I was sorry and we will get through this.
What have you learned from adopting from foster care?
I learned that it’s possible for the adoptive family and the biological family to work together to do what’s best for the children. That you have to be open to realizing that children in foster care have trauma. They were removed from their biological parents and that it’s also very traumatic for the biological parents as well. So because of that, I think I have learned more empathy. It’s just been a big learning process through my work at Lily’s Place and through foster care adoption to learn that some moms have babies that they can’t take care of but they still love their children, no matter what. They love their babies and want to keep them but sometimes they just aren’t ready to properly take care of their children.
What advice would you give to prospective foster to adopt families?
If you are going to do it, go all in. Don’t constantly be obsessing over the unknown. The children may leave today, tomorrow, or they may never leave.
A lot of people say, ‘I could never do that because what if the child leaves?’ Well, if you hurt because they left that means you loved that child and did it the right way.
Foster care isn’t for the adults, it’s for the children. Show them as much love for as long as you have them.
Families interested in pursuing foster care or adoption in West Virginia can visit Mission West Virginia at missionwv.org/request-information, email fosteradopt@missionwv.org or call 304-512-0555.